12 kissing facts: study reveals what men & women want from a kiss

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There’s nothing like it. A kiss full of passion and chemistry and promise. But in the end is a kiss just a kiss? Does it have to mean anything? Find out what one study revealed.

While picking out a restaurant or a bar for a first date is stressful enough, understanding how women kiss and how they want to be kissed provides is enough to raise your heart rate. From how to know when she’s ready to understand how women kissing are different than men locking lips, the best first kiss advice is to read the room. If you’re not sure if you’re smooching the right way or falling short, let this guide on everything you need to know about women kissing and kissing women to sweep the next gal off her feet:


Ever wonder how women kiss and how men kiss? Or how many people they pucker up to? What about what they prefer and what they hate? Or how to get a girl to kiss you? These questions are all normal—and trust us, a consideration nearly everyone has. Kissing is a near universal phenomenon occurring between sexual and/or romantic partners in more than 90 percent of human cultures. While almost everyone kisses there is very little information around on why people kiss or what makes a kiss spectacular.

In an effort to at least get simple descriptive information on why people kiss and what makes some kisses an experience that makes one weak in the knees Susan Hughes, from Albright College in Pennsylvania, evaluated 1,041 college students. She asked then questions about their kissing preferences, styles, attitudes and behaviors. A wealth of information emerged. Here are a few of the most interesting findings. Keep in mind these are college kiddos, so the numbers are skewed to a younger subset:

-Men and women reported having kissed a similar number of people in their lives; 14 was the average number for both men and women
-About 50 percent of men would have sex without kissing their partner first; only 10 percent of women would do so.
-Men want to kiss someone based on their perception of facial attraction, women focus more on a man’s teeth in deciding if they would like to kiss him.
-Kissing seems to be more important before sex and much less so after.
-Overall, kissing is more important for women than for men in having a satisfying sexual experience.
-Overall men prefer wetter kisses with more tongue than do women.
-Both sexes preferred more tongue with long-term partners.
-Men are more than twice as likely to have sex with a bad kisser than are women.
-59 percent of men and 66 percent of women have been put off by a potential partner’s kiss at some point in their romantic lives.


The moral of the study? Women kissing need more of an intimate connection than a man does—and for them, touching lips is an essential first step to having sex. Without building that intimate connection and connecting on a physical page, it is difficult to build a romantic relationship. Even so, figuring out if she wants you to go into a kiss—or how to get a girl to kiss you —is tricky. Luckily, there are some kissing tips to follow that give you insight on the best first kiss advice:


Her responses to your casual touching can speak volumes about her readiness to move forward. When women kiss, they will want to be close to you—and inching toward you is a signal of that. The casual sweeping of her shoulders as you help her with her coat, or her response when you brush against her hand in the popcorn bag or touch the small of her back as you guide her to the table provides plenty of clues.

Remember these kissing tips though: If she pulls away at all, then slow down a bit and take some more time. If she smiles, blushes or giggles, then it’s time to prolong your skin contact. Maybe a hand on hers at the dinner table or a steady arm when walking her to the car will be a comfortable next step toward sealing the smooch.


One way to learn about how a woman feels about you is to assess the hug response. When saying hello or goodbye, keep the embrace short and look for nonverbal feedback. Does she linger a bit and press into you? If so, you might even be able to get the short first kiss in right then. If she seems a little put off—delivers the dreadful double pat on the back or the famed rigid arm hug—then you have a little more work to do. It could also be that she’s not into you or she’s not ready to kiss. When considering how women kiss, consent should always be your top priority. Never push her to do anything she’s uncomfortable with.


One of the easiest kissing tips to keep in mind? How she acts! If she’s interested, her eagerness will show. It’s generally those ‘in-between’ times that will reveal her level of interest, clueing you in to how she feels about spending time with you. It’s generally in the lull between dinner and the movie or during the walk to the car that she has the best opportunity for reasons—or excuses—to end the date and go home. See if she is anxious to continue the date with you. Does she suggest the idea of coffee or a cocktail to extend the evening or is she looking for an opportunity to ditch you? If she’s up for more hours with you, pay attention to her body language. With women kissing clues, there’s plenty of ways she’ll demonstrate her hope for the evening, without you pressuring her.


A completely personal preference for women is whether they expect to be asked for permission to be kissed. To be on the safe side, you may be better off asking if you aren’t sure. It will be received as a sign that either you’re a respectful gentleman—if you play it the right way. You don’t have to look down at your shoes or hang your head—you can receive permission without being perceived as weak. When women kiss, many do like a man who is confident in his approach, but to ensure she’s comfortable, seeking permission in a sexy way is some of the best first kiss advice you can follow. Consider this—you’re in the middle of witty banter, her blue eyes are glittering in the light and you actually say what you’re thinking: “I really want to kiss you right now.” She’ll either smile and lean in, or brush you off. Either way, you’ve tried to figure out how to get a girl to kiss you. And hey, this might be the best manner.


When women kiss for the first time, they notice and welcome the romance and timing of making it special. They love it when it’s memorable and positive but looks as if it happened spontaneously. Find a time when she’ll welcome some sugar but doesn’t necessarily expect it. A good rule to follow is to not plant the first kiss at a conventional moment when your date might be expecting – and guarding against – a lip lock. One of the greatest kissing tips is to actually avoid the traditional manner. The end of the date is full of pressure as you stand at her door awkwardly commenting on how the date went, looking at your toes while fighting stomach butterflies and sweaty palms. Instead, pay attention to her cues and try kissing her earlier in the date or not at all.

The key to determining the right time to go in for the kiss is to pay attention to her hints. Not every date has to end with a smooch. Sometimes it’s better to take your time and work up to the passionate peck. The timing and strategy of kissing is not a science, but it will look that way if you are mechanical and rehearsed. When it finally happens, relax, have fun and enjoy one right in the smacker.


So there are kissing tips and then there are kissing misses. What do we mean? While there are plenty of ways to decode how women kiss, it’s also important to up your own smooching game to be what she wants. One way to do that is to avoid these cringeworthy ways of locking lips:


Not sure of the sloppy kisser meaning? It’s easy to find out. After you kiss her, does your girlfriend discreetly wipe off her face after a kiss? Does kissing feel more like a washing machine than a passionate embrace? If yes, try swallowing your saliva before starting to smooch. And then take your time, kiss softly and slowly, and allow yourself to savor the moment instead of letting your tongue get out of control. The sloppy kisser meaning could be defined as someone who is overzealous and inconsiderate of their partner because they’re too excited to go in for the smooch. Breathe, relax, take it slow—and hold off on the spit.


Kissing your partner should leave them weak in the knees—not unconscious. When women kiss, they definitely don’t want you go in to deep of a kiss so your noses block each other. If you do this, there is a good chance you could be suffocating your partner. Without waiting for your beloved to turn blue, a good sign of this is if he or she is constantly pulling away from the kiss but also going back in for more. If this happens, simply adjust your kissing angle is one of the most solid kissing tips to follow.


Although some people prefer to keep their eyes open during a kiss, until you know how she feels, or is comfortable with, keep your eyes closed and enjoy the moment. Women kissing want to be present and enthralled, not freaked out, after all. You wouldn’t want your partner to open her eyes to find yours staring at her from centimeters away.


Generally, the best first kiss advice is to opt for puckering up when the two of you are alone. This will cease some of the first-kiss-nerves. Later, you can see if your date is ready for a public display of affection. Generally speaking, how to get a girl to kiss you is when you’re both in a place where you can be yourselves and really enjoy the moment.


A deep and passionate kiss is great but not if your date isn’t ready for it. If it’s a first kiss, lean in gently and test the waters. Kissing tips include once you’ve gotten to know the person and their style of kissing you’ll feel confident for something more, so make sure to tread slowly and work your way up to fireworks.